Author Daneille Snowden

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When I was 7 years old I was born again! Five years later, the Lord filled me with His Holy Spirit and called me out to serve in full time service in the ministry. My heart is missions and a longing to love people into God's Kingdom.
I love to teach God's Word, pray with people and write. 
Soon, we are hoping our Jesus opens amazing doors to walk into mission endeavors.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

BRINGING PEACE TO YOUR HUSBAND

  Two posts (blogs) ago I said I would continue to look at attaining true peace in our lives. [Sweet Tranquility] Then I promised you that I would continue to expound on having this peace spread through out our home beginning with ‘we’ ladies being the vessel of peace for our husbands.  As I have prayed over this, studied it in God’s Word and in other resources for quite awhile…my ending prognosis is that this study could continue for decades!
Peace; we pray for peace, it's our New Years Resolutions ...it is a salutation in most countries. Yet, everywhere we turn we only observe fruits of turmoil (opposite of peace). 
In three thousand  three hundred and fifty years between 1500 B.C. and 1850 A.D. there were only 286 years spent without a war taking place on the globe somewhere. That's thirteen years of war for every year of peace. At that same period of time eight thousand peace treaties were broken. 
Today;  2 million couples have used a lethal weapon on their spouses in their life times.
3-4 million women are beaten by their husbands every year.
2.7 million children are beaten, maimed, murdered, or seriously neglected every year in this country.
Panic anxiety is the number one mental-health problem for women in the United States and in men it is second only to substance abuse. Stress has become a way of life.
Thus, the amazing need for peace! Where to start but at home and with that, there is no better place in 'The Home' to begin than between husband and wife.
My husband works hard, he comes home wore out mentally and physically. God has instilled a great call in my personal life as a wife to usher peace in his life. I want to share some simple things we all should do to help our husbands to continue to be Godly Men of Valor and thus blessing us in return.


I.) Pray first: before speaking about difficult issues & trials…get the mind of Christ.
       Philippians 4:6:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
        verse 7:
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
-When we spend more time with God consistently, we become more stable in our emotions to withstand just about anything.
In so doing the  Holy Spirit will  lead…  Bringing peace as we follow His leading in praying through the scriptures. 
“God will change your marriage if you pray. Prayer has the power to accomplish what nothing else can.” [Transform Your Marriage through the Power of Prayer Whitney Hopler] (1)
----Take authority over it with prayer in Jesus’ Name to release God’s power to work in both you and your spouse’s lives.          “Your job is to accept your spouse as he or she is and pray for God to work in his or her life. Only God can bring about changes that will last.”  (1)



II.) Are you speaking out of irritation or frustration?  Husbands or just anyone’s natural response when spoken to in this manner is to retreat within themselves. This is a defensive mode. Is this where we really want ‘the love of our lives’ to reside? "Word softly (fitly) spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."


III.)  Anger & Rudeness: Try not to dwell continually on his part but yours….walk in love and not anger w/our speech being that of grace, peace and truth…NOT rude or anger (this includes our tone as well). 
       Colossians 4: 6 “Let your speech at all times be gracious (pleasant and winsome), seasoned [as it were] with salt, [so that you may never be at a loss] to know how you ought to answer anyone [who puts a question to you].” 
       Proverbs 25: 15“By long forbearance and calmness of spirit a judge or ruler is persuaded, and soft speech breaks down the most bonelike resistance.”  
       Proverbs 15: 1 “A SOFT answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.” 
      Proverbs 12:18  “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.”
       Ephesians 4:26  “And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you." Don't let the sun go down   while you are still angry.” 
       Proverbs 21:19   “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.”



IV.) Forgiveness  When we have been ‘put-down’, betrayed and just basically hurt. That sinful nature embedded within man longs to take revenge in some way or another. Typically woman do so with the ‘silent treatment’ or ‘lashing out’ or how about just placing that ‘guilt card’ in the back pocket for just the right time! This is taking revenge, yet we all know this is not what the Word of God instructs us to do. 
  Corrie Ten Boom said, “Forgiveness is setting the prisoner free, only to find out that the prisoner was me.” 
Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”  
“Forgiveness entails giving up your right to punish your spouse – whether through direct retaliation or just letting bitterness fester.” [When Your Spouse Lets You Down: How to Forgive and Forget  by Dr. Dave Currie] (3) 
Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each another and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” 

V.) Be willing to repent.= to God & your husband (1)

VI.) Communicate Openly/Peacefully

VII.) Let it go   “Let go Let God.”  Surrender all to Him…by doing this you will be letting God and  your husband lead, taking care of situations the way he sees fit (even if you feel your are right/unless serious harm could be done). “In order to live in peace and harmony someone has to give up some things that may not have you and your spouse on one accord. Sometimes it will be you, but if you are submissive to your husband it will not be that difficult.” (2)

VIII.) Humble  “Submissive means to humbly obey. That means to not always have an opinion, but to let your husband make some decisions and follow. You are to do this without anger or resentment but with joy and no arguments.” [How to Be Submissive to Your Husband ( When You Are A Strong woman)  By Faye-Faye] (2)
James 4:6 says, “But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble‘.” 
Ask our selves this questions; “Are we more interested in getting our point across than listening to our spouse?

IX.) Remember Your Vows   When you were married you promised that you would obey (or even to submit) your husband. As it says in Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." 

X.) Depression or Negative emotions  spoils the atmosphere : this can destroy a marriage. Depression is rooted in fears mostly as well as rejection & loneliness. Being freed from this, which only God can do will heal and bring peace in your own soul thus your marriage, i.e.: your husband. (1)

XI.) Honor Him      Titus 2:1-15  “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. …”
    Cutting him down, even if we/you are right -is NOT Honoring him. Absolutely NEVER in front of anyone (especially our children) are we to say cutting words -bridle the tongue and allow God’s Peace to reign in great abundance.
“Our sinful natures guarantee conflict within a marriage, no matter how much the individual spouses are committed to each other. It's how spouses handle these conflicts that is crucial.” [ Ken Sande-www.peacemaker.net site] 

Take time now or very soon to ask God to show you how you can be an instrument of peace for your husband. 
Pray with me now; "Dear Lord Jesus, I ask you to forgive me of allowing my own pride, hurts, unforgiveness, and anger to cause any turmoil in my home. Turn my heart back totally to You. Give me Your love, Your Words, Your Heart for my husband. Help me to serve You by serving Him. In Jesus' Name I do pray. -Amen"


Couple of Books:
PEACE MAKING WOMAN  Biblical Hope for Resolving Conflict by Ken Sande

What Makes A Man Feel Loved by Bob Barnes 
“Barnes give wives the unique opportunity to discover what men think about priorities, desires, and approaches to difficult situations. Biblical principles and practical advice helps women understand the male perspective, their husbands' needs, emotional and physical differences.” 

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14 comments:

  1. Wow, you've got a LOT of great information here! You probably could have split it up into 2 or 3 different blog posts! :-) I agree with you on all of this, but the one thing that stood out to me the most was for us wives to not dwell continually on HIS part of the marriage, but rather on OURS. We can't change him, but we CAN change ourselves (which, in turn, could very well change him too!)

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  2. Great Article my friend. You have challenged us. Thanks for your willingness to share and be led of the Lord.

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    1. Thank you! God is so faithful, and He is faithful to continue to teach us all as we live for Him.

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