WHAT WIVES DESIRE FROM THEIR HUSBANDS
by Daneille Gray Snowden
Melissa and Joe were strolling hand in hand by the lake as the sunset glistened on the their already glowing faces. She was pouring out her heart as he gazed at her intently. They approached and sat slowly down on a white bench which was close to the shore. Melissa was suddenly wrapped in Joe's long strong arms; he then decided to pray with his wife about the matters she had shared with him. As the sun sat that evening, a smile grew on Melissa's face as well as a feeling of security, love and joy totally enriched her entire being.
"Oh my!" Isn't that the absolute dream of a perfect evening for any Christian wife (and husband)? Communication, listening, affection, time spent, leadership, praying, putting God first and feeling safe all wrapped up in just a few short hours. This has been some feedback I received after I sent out a poll to several Christian wives of all ages and backgrounds. I had asked these ladies; "What do you as a Christian wife need, desire, and crave from your husband the most?" Share from each category - Spiritually/Emotionally/Physically/Mentally. Yet, the categories were reinvented into:[Each of these were under the latter I asked for.]
1.) LISTENING/COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING
2.) GODLY EXAMPLE/LEADERSHIP/PRAYER
3.) AFFECTIONATE, RESPECT/Co-Heirs and Co-Equals
4.) SELFLESS/LOVE AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH
Later, I will add one more personally I believe all wives desire as well. It amazed me how, when these ladies decided to truly share their heart; they all basically had close to the same desires (via-the categories listed).
This little article is for anyone who really wants to see their marriage be more. I say; "more" meaning 'all God intended a marriage to be'. I honestly do not believe I have to convince anyone married, on what they need as a couple there are always issues needing to be 'worked-out' or 'improved'. When two totally separate individuals not only live together, but honestly do long to grow more and more closer (together) in an eternal way; there will definitely be challenges to conquer! Love is our driving force; our love for God, His Word and our love for our mate will be the engine that will keep us going through the many miles life will take us.
So, here we go; allow me to share with you now what our wives shared with me.
First of all: being a LISTENER AND HAVE COMMUNICATION-
We all know communication is both listening and talking. Quite simple, well to most woman this is simple. The 'spirit' of a woman is longing to be free and intimately open to someone, not only to one they can trust but who is also able to handle her heart with strength and gentleness. When this is discovered, we then flow freely and open up our hearts which means our mouths too!
In addition, we need to love back- by listening to the hearts of our husbands. We want to know him, we want to serve him and be a true friend indeed. When our lovers are not talking to us and sharing from the deep places in their own spirits; it hurts intensely! Of all the categories listed this is where many wives all shared a common thread. Here are just a few of the remarks:
*"I long for interesting conversations about a variety of topics (road trips are good for this – we can talk for hours!) I like when he values my ideas and solutions and goes first to me for input."
*"When he is understanding and patient, always listening to me."
*"By spending time talking with me and desires to know me completely."
*"By listening and comforting me. Engage in conversation and is understanding."
*"To listen to me when I need to talk. To understand my needs better."
2nd is GODLY EXAMPLE/LEADERSHIP/PRAYER -
Christian woman, who read and study God's Word are well educated on what a true spiritual leader should be. Ephesians 5:23 "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body." Of course we know that verses 22-24 speak to both the husband and wife about leadership, submission and Christ's Love. Let's just stay with wives longing for their husbands to lead. How? By living out a Christlike spirit at home as well as in public. Making choices that will only lead his family as true children of God. This involves areas of entertainment, friends, worship, and service. Of course though this will be another category I will share but, I Peter 3:7; "Treating her as a “weaker vessel” does not mean an inferior vessel." [Jack Wellman] We love it when our husbands lead. We really do! Here is what the a few of the wives had to say:
*"To pray with me and the kids on a regular basis."
*"To be the spiritual leader of the home."
*"Need him to be in prayer almost constantly to cover our family."
*"Need him to feel he can be the spiritual leader because I know God talks to him and I need our family to be in order."
* "Prayer & guidance"
*"Desire to serve God above all else!"
*"Faithful in tithing (giving back to God)."
3rd AFFECTIONATE -
We love to be held, caressed and kissed. We love to see our husbands to do the same for our children. Of course there is balance, but when the husbands strong hands embraces his soulmates smaller soft hands this melts the heart. Here is what some of the wives shared:
*"Hugs. Also, double kisses before we part, as well as before bedtime. (This is something my parents did all their married life – double kisses EVERY DAY! Neither ever left the house without the other, until they kissed – and twice)."
*"Hold hands & do fun things like picnics, walking etc."
*"The physical relationship to remain emotionally healthy and not insecure. My X, never touched me, held my hand, nothing. It caused me to feel really bad about myself back then. So, in order for me to remain emotionally healthy, touch is important."
*"A little tlc sometimes (hold my hand, ect)."
*"Holding my hand more often when we go places together, just because he loves me."
4th, RESPECT/Co-Heirs and Co-Equals-
Most Christian men are gentlemen. But, of course in this world with much variety we witness disrespect, gruffness, and condescending. This is not how Christ loved the church, woman love their husbands but when they are not respected and treated as fellow Heirs in Christ their is a dangerous unbalance that will indeed affect the entire family. 1 Peter 3:7 "In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]" She is your equal, oh I just know their are people wiggling in their chairs. I am not talking about leadership, I am speaking we all are co-heir together. This past year, my husband and I were eating with a younger couple than us. A heated topic came up and she was sharing with us but looking at him. He chastened her and talked her down. Her spirit was crushed. I have written about respect concerning wives toward their husbands and this needs to be stressed greatly in the world we do live in. But, for now this is what wives desire. Here is some from the wives:
*"He makes me feel highly valued, respected. Also, is fully engaged and attentive when we’re having a conversation."
*"I need to feel connected and understood."
*"I desire closeness as a soulmate/bestfriend and need to feel confident that I can trust him with everything."
*"For me, honestly...our spiritual bond with him, when he prayed for me in my situation...this brought us together initially, and then the relationship grew through Bible study when he was the leader of my Bible study group."
*"He listens to me, especially when I share what revelation I received from God's Word."
5th : SELFLESS/LOVE AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH-
I have always told my own father, that it was his life that truly introduced me to the true Love of Jesus Christ. Honestly, my husband has lived this out as well. He has always been selfless and sacrificed far more than I believe I ever could. Forgive me for being a bit personal here. But, this is vital to wives. When the husband lays down his pleasures and plans to serve his wife this builds her up more than can be said! Here are words from the wives:
*"He cooks and does dishes. I am already so blessed and my needs are met. I think women crave the listening ear and willingness to help where needed from their husband."
*"He cherish's me."
*"Really care about me."
*"Desire to spend time with me."
Lastly, I would love to add pursue! A woman loves to be pursued. Yes, like she was when the man of her dreams was first smitten with her. Romancing is something a woman still dreams about. A wife loves her mate to flirt with her, oh I know this sounds silly-but we woman are silly. We love to feel special and wanted. Pursue means, "to follow in order to overtake, capture/to carry on or continue a course of action." May I reiterate: "To CONTINUE that course of action!" Sometimes, wives may play hard to get; especially if their feathers have been rustled. But, to know that their 'Lover's' eyes are on her and want to capture her heart, soul, mind and body makes her feel-WANTED. That is a nice feeling too; it is a security that is desired and needed. So, husbands...pursue your wives!
Here is a challenge for husbands and maybe this will help some wives to be able to open up to their spouses on how they feel. God wants happiness in our marriages. He carefully drew out the Master Plan too. Go for it...or go forward, pursue God's Plan for you marriage!
Please feel free to share your hearts desires that you need from your husband!